#relatable just last year I was offered a bump and have trained my mind to immediately go to the darkest of darkest places because inevitably that is where I will wind up. Thanks for sharing.❤️
Reminds me of Panic in Needle Park. I guess drugs at first were cheap and available. Then with cost increase and scarcity caused problems. But helped so e get sober.
International and more-local illegal merchants of the drug-abuse/-addiction scourge are (rightfully) targeted for long-overdue political action and actually-stiff criminal justice; however, Western pharmaceutical corporations have intentionally pushed their own very addictive and profitable opiate product essentially with justice-system impunity resulting in direct and indirect immense suffering and overdose death numbers for many years later and likely many more yet to come.
It indeed was a real ethical and moral crime, yet, likely due to their potent lobbyist influence on heavily-capitalistic Western governance, they got off relatively lightly and only through civil litigation. Instead, drug addiction and addicts are perceived by supposedly sober folk as being weak-willed and/or having committed the moral crime.
Frequently societally overlooked or ignored is that intense addiction usually does not originate from a bout of boredom, where a person occasionally consumed recreationally but became heavily hooked on a self-medicating substance that eventually destroyed their life and even those of loved-ones.
“It has been said that if child abuse and neglect were to disappear today, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual would shrink to the size of a pamphlet in two generations, and the prisons would empty. Or, as Bernie Siegel, MD, puts it, quite simply, after half a century of practicing medicine, ‘I have become convinced that our number-one public health problem is our childhood’.”
—Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How You Can Heal
.
Early-life abuse or chronic neglect left unhindered commonly causes the brain to improperly develop. It can readily be the starting point of a life in which the brain uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammatory stress hormones and chemicals, even in otherwise non-stressful daily routines.
It amounts to non-physical-impact brain damage in the form of PTSD. Among other dysfunctions, it has been described as an emotionally tumultuous daily existence, indeed a continuous discomforting anticipation of ‘the other shoe dropping’. For some of us it additionally means being scared of how badly we will deal with the upsetting event, which usually never transpires. It can make every day a mental ordeal, unless the turmoil is prescription and/or illicitly medicated.
Therefore, the wellbeing of all children needs to be of genuine importance to everyone — and not just concern over what other parents’ children might or will cost us as future criminals or costly cases of government care, etcetera — regardless of how well our own developing children are doing.
Mindlessly ‘minding our own business’ often proves humanly devastating. Yet, largely owing to the Only If It’s In My Own Back Yard mindset, the prevailing collective attitude (implicit or subconscious) basically follows: ‘Why should I care — my kids are alright?’ or (the even more self-serving) ‘What’s in it for me as a taxpayer?’
Meanwhile, too many people procreate without being sufficiently knowledgeable of child development science to parent in a psychologically functional/healthy manner. They seem to perceive thus treat human procreative ‘rights’ as though they (potential parents) will somehow, in blind anticipation, be innately inclined to sufficiently understand and appropriately nurture their children’s naturally developing minds and needs.
In the abovementioned book, Childhood Disrupted, the author writes that “[even] well-meaning and loving parents can unintentionally do harm to a child if they are not well informed about human development” (pg.24).
"Like many recovering addicts, I have a fair amount of survivor’s guilt. I know many people who are not okay in a range of ways, including in jail or dead. I make my living amends by not using drugs, doing my evolving best to not be an asshole, and telling my story so other people know a change is possible."
Oof yes, parts of this feel spectacularly familiar. Not all, my story is different, but wild to look back and know I'm lucky to be alive. There's a lingering shame that creeps in and I remind myself that really my story is not particularly exceptional, addiction is so human.
Thank you for saying all of this out loud. I'm glad you survived and appreciate that you share your story so generously.
Jo, thank you for sharing this. And yes, the worst part of remembering those days, for me, is remembering how the worst and most degrading lows of addiction often sounded the most inspiring or cool. Thank goodness for the light switch letting us see the lows for what they are…a trap keeping us from the light. 🤍
In the book ('WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing') he co-authored with Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Bruce D. Perry (M.D., Ph.D.) writes in regards to self-medicating trauma, substance abuse and addiction:
“For people who are pretty well-regulated, whose basic needs have been met, who have other healthy forms of reward, taking a drug will have some impact, but the pull to come back and use again and again is not as powerful. It may be a pleasurable feeling, but you’re not necessarily going to become addicted. Addiction is complex. But I believe that many people who struggle with drug and alcohol abuse are actually trying to self-medicate due to their developmental histories of adversity and trauma.”
In fact, when it comes to high school students experimenting with drugs, “only 18 or 20 percent will end up having trouble with recurrent use.” With those who do reuse repeatedly, “very high percentages of them are the ones who have had developmental adversities. Among the children who don’t [repeatedly reuse], fewer have had developmental adversities.”
Long ago, I, while sympathetic, typically looked down on those who had ‘allowed’ themselves to become addicted to hard drugs or alcohol. Although I’ve not been personally or familially affected by the opioid overdose crisis, I suffer enough unrelenting PTSD symptoms (etcetera) to know, enjoy and appreciate the great release by consuming alcohol or THC.
The greater the induced euphoria or escape one attains from it, the more one wants to repeat the experience; and the more intolerable one finds their non-self-medicating reality, the more pleasurable that escape will likely be perceived. In other words: the greater one’s mental pain or trauma while not self-medicating, the greater the need for escape from one’s reality — all the more addictive the euphoric escape-form will likely be.
Especially when the substance abuse is due to past formidable mental trauma, the lasting solitarily-suffered turmoil can readily make each day an ordeal unless the traumatized mind is medicated. And then the worth(lessness) of the substance abuser is too-often societally measured basically by their ‘productivity’ or lack thereof. Aware of this, they may then begin perceiving themselves as worthless and accordingly live and self-medicate their daily lives more haphazardly.
I am so thankful for your strength and self discipline. You are an amazing woman. This is wonderful inspiration to share.
I love you and I’m sorry you had to deal with it ❤️❤️❤️
I loved reading this, thank you for sharing
I am so thankful we have you, and you have the hindsight to relate these experiences pragmatically. The kids will never understand.
🥰❤️
After reducing my drinking and deciding to work in the clubs sober I realised I could no longer work as a stripper! So I had to hang up my pleasers 😭
Everybody has a different experience with this, I know! ❤️
#relatable just last year I was offered a bump and have trained my mind to immediately go to the darkest of darkest places because inevitably that is where I will wind up. Thanks for sharing.❤️
Reminds me of Panic in Needle Park. I guess drugs at first were cheap and available. Then with cost increase and scarcity caused problems. But helped so e get sober.
International and more-local illegal merchants of the drug-abuse/-addiction scourge are (rightfully) targeted for long-overdue political action and actually-stiff criminal justice; however, Western pharmaceutical corporations have intentionally pushed their own very addictive and profitable opiate product essentially with justice-system impunity resulting in direct and indirect immense suffering and overdose death numbers for many years later and likely many more yet to come.
It indeed was a real ethical and moral crime, yet, likely due to their potent lobbyist influence on heavily-capitalistic Western governance, they got off relatively lightly and only through civil litigation. Instead, drug addiction and addicts are perceived by supposedly sober folk as being weak-willed and/or having committed the moral crime.
Frequently societally overlooked or ignored is that intense addiction usually does not originate from a bout of boredom, where a person occasionally consumed recreationally but became heavily hooked on a self-medicating substance that eventually destroyed their life and even those of loved-ones.
And im for harm reduction. Many just cannot stop. So we can teach moderation.
“It has been said that if child abuse and neglect were to disappear today, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual would shrink to the size of a pamphlet in two generations, and the prisons would empty. Or, as Bernie Siegel, MD, puts it, quite simply, after half a century of practicing medicine, ‘I have become convinced that our number-one public health problem is our childhood’.”
—Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How You Can Heal
.
Early-life abuse or chronic neglect left unhindered commonly causes the brain to improperly develop. It can readily be the starting point of a life in which the brain uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammatory stress hormones and chemicals, even in otherwise non-stressful daily routines.
It amounts to non-physical-impact brain damage in the form of PTSD. Among other dysfunctions, it has been described as an emotionally tumultuous daily existence, indeed a continuous discomforting anticipation of ‘the other shoe dropping’. For some of us it additionally means being scared of how badly we will deal with the upsetting event, which usually never transpires. It can make every day a mental ordeal, unless the turmoil is prescription and/or illicitly medicated.
Therefore, the wellbeing of all children needs to be of genuine importance to everyone — and not just concern over what other parents’ children might or will cost us as future criminals or costly cases of government care, etcetera — regardless of how well our own developing children are doing.
Mindlessly ‘minding our own business’ often proves humanly devastating. Yet, largely owing to the Only If It’s In My Own Back Yard mindset, the prevailing collective attitude (implicit or subconscious) basically follows: ‘Why should I care — my kids are alright?’ or (the even more self-serving) ‘What’s in it for me as a taxpayer?’
Meanwhile, too many people procreate without being sufficiently knowledgeable of child development science to parent in a psychologically functional/healthy manner. They seem to perceive thus treat human procreative ‘rights’ as though they (potential parents) will somehow, in blind anticipation, be innately inclined to sufficiently understand and appropriately nurture their children’s naturally developing minds and needs.
In the abovementioned book, Childhood Disrupted, the author writes that “[even] well-meaning and loving parents can unintentionally do harm to a child if they are not well informed about human development” (pg.24).
Oh yah. Sacklers go free. But Panic in Needle Park was in the 70s.
"Like many recovering addicts, I have a fair amount of survivor’s guilt. I know many people who are not okay in a range of ways, including in jail or dead. I make my living amends by not using drugs, doing my evolving best to not be an asshole, and telling my story so other people know a change is possible."
THIS!
Oof yes, parts of this feel spectacularly familiar. Not all, my story is different, but wild to look back and know I'm lucky to be alive. There's a lingering shame that creeps in and I remind myself that really my story is not particularly exceptional, addiction is so human.
Thank you for saying all of this out loud. I'm glad you survived and appreciate that you share your story so generously.
Wow, what a confession!
Jo, thank you for sharing this. And yes, the worst part of remembering those days, for me, is remembering how the worst and most degrading lows of addiction often sounded the most inspiring or cool. Thank goodness for the light switch letting us see the lows for what they are…a trap keeping us from the light. 🤍
In the book ('WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing') he co-authored with Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Bruce D. Perry (M.D., Ph.D.) writes in regards to self-medicating trauma, substance abuse and addiction:
“For people who are pretty well-regulated, whose basic needs have been met, who have other healthy forms of reward, taking a drug will have some impact, but the pull to come back and use again and again is not as powerful. It may be a pleasurable feeling, but you’re not necessarily going to become addicted. Addiction is complex. But I believe that many people who struggle with drug and alcohol abuse are actually trying to self-medicate due to their developmental histories of adversity and trauma.”
In fact, when it comes to high school students experimenting with drugs, “only 18 or 20 percent will end up having trouble with recurrent use.” With those who do reuse repeatedly, “very high percentages of them are the ones who have had developmental adversities. Among the children who don’t [repeatedly reuse], fewer have had developmental adversities.”
Long ago, I, while sympathetic, typically looked down on those who had ‘allowed’ themselves to become addicted to hard drugs or alcohol. Although I’ve not been personally or familially affected by the opioid overdose crisis, I suffer enough unrelenting PTSD symptoms (etcetera) to know, enjoy and appreciate the great release by consuming alcohol or THC.
The greater the induced euphoria or escape one attains from it, the more one wants to repeat the experience; and the more intolerable one finds their non-self-medicating reality, the more pleasurable that escape will likely be perceived. In other words: the greater one’s mental pain or trauma while not self-medicating, the greater the need for escape from one’s reality — all the more addictive the euphoric escape-form will likely be.
Especially when the substance abuse is due to past formidable mental trauma, the lasting solitarily-suffered turmoil can readily make each day an ordeal unless the traumatized mind is medicated. And then the worth(lessness) of the substance abuser is too-often societally measured basically by their ‘productivity’ or lack thereof. Aware of this, they may then begin perceiving themselves as worthless and accordingly live and self-medicate their daily lives more haphazardly.